confesssssssion or what?

just back from goa and now scribbling my not so perfect fingures, so that the contours of my vivid trip get patented forever in my memory. well i hv nt enuf time to reflect upon the whole goa trip, but if i can use a simple trip to descibe it is that it was fun. i always had this dream of going to places which r culturally different frm the 1 u r brought up in. instead of writing my whole trip starting frm the day one to the last day. the moments which i cherished nd the not so perfect memories which i earlier expect and the list go on and on........, instead i try to think abt the present moment i.e today which part of me is holding me back from nt to write the whole sojourn, rather my mind is somehow forcing( wrong word) me to outline the changes which this trip made in me. what i feel on reflection that i have somehow become a bit more serious person( nt mature) in the last 2 years. what i feel the whole purpose of writing this entry is like a conflict which is going within me , one side of me says me nt to write such person thing in blog but the other side want some sort of emotional consolation when someone going to read this, this is just one example of how conflicting opinions have overtaken my mind in the past 2 years which is somehow preventing me frm expresssing in frnt of world.

today after enough contemplation i would like to admit that i am somehow living a borrowed life,and real part of me is nt able to come up esp in gbo.

i guess i have taken the things which happened in my life 2 yrs ago(dnt have enough courage to write them here), i can surely say that i am nt honest wid myself. i think this writing is nt abt self confession that i am this i am that, bt abt going with the flow of writing whatever come to my mind and nt restricting that throught process . i would like to describe my gbo life in 2 halfs. the first and initial half. after months of frustration i decided to join gbo, but deep inside me was nt happy wid it, but as usual things r nt kind to my in life( i guess this applies to everyone), moreover i came here to restrict myself to just few frnds and ppl and nt to socialize much which is quite anti to my nature, and i believe that its something like addiction that u r alone then u r alone for an elongnated period. that was the reason i delibrately tried nt to talk to many, nd ppl start telling me and making opinion abt me( which i always knew was wrong). i dont knw why i try to make things complex when they can be done in a more easier way instead of applying convulted logic.i belive that i have become a bit more thoughtful as a person which have somehow taken away my strngth of spontaniety , which means i just keep on thinking in advance rather than have something on the spot................ well i am feeling sleeeping, well i guess enough for today, but i gonna write more things abt myself before gbo is over.................