lucky_sandy

confesssssssion or what?

2009-01-11T02:25:00.002+05:30

just back from goa and now scribbling my not so perfect fingures, so that the contours of my vivid trip get patented forever in my memory. well i hv nt enuf time to reflect upon the whole goa trip, but if i can use a simple trip to descibe it is that it was fun. i always had this dream of going to places which r culturally different frm the 1 u r brought up in. instead of writing my whole trip starting frm the day one to the last day. the moments which i cherished nd the not so perfect memories which i earlier expect and the list go on and on........, instead i try to think abt the present moment i.e today which part of me is holding me back from nt to write the whole sojourn, rather my mind is somehow forcing( wrong word) me to outline the changes which this trip made in me. what i feel on reflection that i have somehow become a bit more serious person( nt mature) in the last 2 years. what i feel the whole purpose of writing this entry is like a conflict which is going within me , one side of me says me nt to write such person thing in blog but the other side want some sort of emotional consolation when someone going to read this, this is just one example of how conflicting opinions have overtaken my mind in the past 2 years which is somehow preventing me frm expresssing in frnt of world.

today after enough contemplation i would like to admit that i am somehow living a borrowed life,and real part of me is nt able to come up esp in gbo.

i guess i have taken the things which happened in my life 2 yrs ago(dnt have enough courage to write them here), i can surely say that i am nt honest wid myself. i think this writing is nt abt self confession that i am this i am that, bt abt going with the flow of writing whatever come to my mind and nt restricting that throught process . i would like to describe my gbo life in 2 halfs. the first and initial half. after months of frustration i decided to join gbo, but deep inside me was nt happy wid it, but as usual things r nt kind to my in life( i guess this applies to everyone), moreover i came here to restrict myself to just few frnds and ppl and nt to socialize much which is quite anti to my nature, and i believe that its something like addiction that u r alone then u r alone for an elongnated period. that was the reason i delibrately tried nt to talk to many, nd ppl start telling me and making opinion abt me( which i always knew was wrong). i dont knw why i try to make things complex when they can be done in a more easier way instead of applying convulted logic.i belive that i have become a bit more thoughtful as a person which have somehow taken away my strngth of spontaniety , which means i just keep on thinking in advance rather than have something on the spot................ well i am feeling sleeeping, well i guess enough for today, but i gonna write more things abt myself before gbo is over.................

exams over or What ?

2008-12-14T19:03:00.001+05:30

Not often do I write something interstg, I feel I have brought two types of changes offlate(is this something brought or happens). I feel that in the last two years of my life I have become somehow subdued and more introvert. Well I feel that some part of it was deliberate, I talk abt the first half when I came to delhi to join GBO, Initially I was really full of confidence and energy and thought that I can really make for the things which I had lost in the past year, but after few months I lost interest and I am not blaming the course or anything else . It happened out of inner experimentation. That’s one really one of strange thing of life that when u try to pretend to be mature and try to carry the baggage of responsibility on ur shoulders, then u force some changes upon urself, same thing happened to me( that’s why I said this change was brought). Well today when I am in the process of making sense of things, I feel rather regret that I shld have continued wid my orginal part, now the whole point which I try to convey here is that I have somehow lost touch wid reality

But over the past few months there is another change happening to me, I would say that I am to realize that one cnt pretend too long, I had made my life a chain of events where if one piece in the chain is missing I am not able to move on to next event, its quite strange that I am trying to give meaning to my inner feeling and judgements which I have made over the last year but after enough dwelling I came to the conclusion that Its too long waiting for each nut to be perfect to comlete the chain. Now in the last few months esp dec I have somehow changed my outlook and decided that life cant wait for events rather it should be lived in present(sooooooothing words) , there today I have decided to be what I am not let the burden of some f**k things let me down

Now time have come to enjoy and get ready for holidays ,,,,,,,,,,,,,contemplating abt going to chd and my village, god knws when probably after fest

2008-06-16T15:16:00.002+05:30

Just back from chandigarh and I love this place and miss’s it. I absolutely love it. I, however, personify the human tendency to want more. This is just the beginning, there is so much more to do, so many more places to go to, literally and figuratively. When I was leaving chandigarh, someone very close to me told me that people love me, not for my success, but for the person that I am. And that I shouldn't ever lose touch with who I am and who I should be. I strongly believe in the power of the soul, and the need to search within, , I believe we are all here for a purpose which may not just be finding 'the one'. It could be as arbit as World Peace. The realization of that 'purpose' is the difficult part, execution is secondary and still I am searching that purpose And in the process, one must not forget who we are and what we mean to people around us. I'm sure all this sounds very cliched, but this is what I live by.. And now, I am rambling. Today I am under the grip of extreme ennui, so me desperate for something cheery that would lighten up my disposition and disperse the cloud of gloom that I myself find surrounded with these days. And all these things are not in any way figment of my imagination

imagination how true it is.............

2008-06-11T16:03:00.002+05:30

I wont start with usual custom by saying that it’s a long time since I written the last miniscule idea wich come to my mind, sometimes its better to scribble whatever comes to your mind rather than being judgemental about its consquences, so lets start with my current position, Well me sitting in my office supposedly doing my intern, suddenly I felt a bit bored and longed for writing whatever comes to my mind, and whats great not to start with imagination thing, before starting let me imagine that weather outside is pleasant, but is it really true or just some craving for imperfection of events, My imagination holds an image of perfection and I am afraid to spoil it but at the same time I want it. Sometimes less than 48 hours(hold on why I am saying this) can change a perspective for life, can create an image of another kind of way, make you rethink views and values, wish time would last forever or stand still for eternity. If someone asked what else I wanted besides a career, I would have to say that I want to be with someone and never tell them 'I love you' because it would be understood think that every relationship we encounter in life has its roots- the common bond that connects you with that person to become more that just acquaintainces. Can you see someone, even from a distance and know, just know, without a word being spoken that you could wake up next to them everyday for the rest of your life or is that only in fairytales? I guess I hold back because rejection, even if you are not sooo interested in the other person, still hurts. I am afraid to say things that I really want to say sometimes. The words run through my head over and over until they are screaming in my brain, trying to get out, but then when I talk to that person, the old fear comes upI think too that it is not so much about being rejected but rather that you don't want to be rejected by someone you really like, so it is easier not to force the issue because then you can't go on fantasizing about your future with that person….stop time for reality check, me back into my sense and time to do work

LIFE

2008-04-20T17:56:00.001+05:30

Well its long time when I posted last, life in itself is such a complex issue its quite difficult to encapsulate it in few symbolic words, I think life as an experiment.
But why have I conducted my life as an experimentation.... why do we need to change.... why all the hoopla over the new set of rules.... why....
Well long ago... people believed...that the earth was flat...people accepted it.Try not educate your child.. and he will grow to believe the same....life was normal then... people lived,ate,urinated defecated worked, traded and life went on.They believed in the system and then worked hard for the king who lived there....then somebody came and said that the earth was round like a sphere..... their life changed. Did they need it.... did they want it..... but still this little fact which they considered false actually changed everything.........
Galileo was hanged by the Roman church.... because he said the earth revolved around the sun and not vice versa thus disapproving the age old doctrine of the church which said that the Earth was the centre of the universe and that everything revolved around it....well what did he need out it....
Homer,Socrates,Aristotle...... these are the other few names that just did this. THey have revolutionized the way we think.... bringing us closer to the reality............
Newton gave us the laws... that essentially changed the scientific scene on the earth...what was the need....
Many others have been doing the same..... read Ayn Rand.,.....Paulo Coelho...... and your views shall change for the betterment of yours.
I am just a small leaf as compared to this mammoth tree which has been growing since the inception of mankind..... I just feel eat and observe... but God for what I don't know I feel and see things in a different way... which I feel half the population doesn't see and are not capable of seeing. The half of the other half acknowledges it and they wish to manipulate humanity with this fact... and the half of the other half that is left behind....... wish to follow only on the path they choose.... As for me which half and half of halves do I belong...I do not know... maybe I am 1/4th of a day like in a year born in a full days after every four years..... or maybe those few extra hours that takes shape in 400 years..... what ever I am..... I am me... and I am not able to keep quiet and digest the things as it is... they need to be questioned... why are we submitting to them... through passive compliance..... why???
We need to change... in this era before hypocriticism grinds us,something needs to be done..... .
My words are not a mark of wisdom or taken from some standard criteria.... its essentially is mine.. yes they are influenced from a variety of philosophers but at the end of the day.... it is essentially mine..... and the only laboratory where you can test them is in your brain...your mind and your conscience. There are no quality certificates like ISO9001 available with me but I would be just glad enough if you care to even ponder over it... reject them thats your decision and I respect them... accept them but make sure that you have made your own rules......play the game like a player.... like a warrior and not the puppet......
for now the train has indeed left its home station....and while it travels all the way to its final station.. sit back look out.... the scenario is beautiful, the landscapes wonderful... and as you come along and see different culture and people on different stations... you would realize how different the world is... there is so much to see, so much to feel.... and how I didn't come out on this wonderful journey of life............

Vrindavan and Agra trip

2008-01-14T20:54:00.002+05:30

The CLARION

GANG OF SIX VAGABOUNDS

Project: A jaunt in the heartland of vrindavan and Agra

Location: Some pre Harappa or post Mohenjo-Daro site which founds its mention in Bhagavata Purana
Human capital: SANDEEP KHARB, RAGHU, SAURABH, VIVEK SHAILY, KARAN GUPTA, KARAN SHARMA
Financial resources: $ 785(US DOLLAR) per person( value must have eroded especially after subprime crisis)

Let me start our verisimilitude megillah which have its origins to the fine morning of 24th December 2007(I miss the year), we all are supposed to meet at 7 am at Delhi university metro station. Suddenly I got a call from karan at 6: 45, “where are you” (still rubbing my eyes), now I have got just 900 seconds to reach metro station, then with some military exercises me and vivek were at the metro station with showing great dexterity at packing and using some mountainous(pahari) jadibutis to satisfy our hungry left intestines. From metro station we went to New Delhi railway station and from there we took the ticket of AC FIRST CLASS to Mathura from Delhi railway station. As expected the journey started with usual comfort which we had expected. We all of six were sitting in the comfortable compartment of Indian railways and we were told that Mathura is around 2:30 hrs from Delhi railway station. All of us have fun on the way because we got enough space and time to discuss and comment about the crows of Delhi and beautiful sparrows of Mathura, on our way we experienced the enchanting lagoon of Kerala( correct me if am wrong). In the comfortable confines of Indian railways we were deliberating about the mangy condition of Indian railways well on our journey we have our guide with us and his name is karan Sharma. As soon as we reached the Mathura junction, we knew what new things we are expecting. Let me give some information regarding this place-

Brajbhoomi - the land where Shri Krishna was born and spent his youth has today little towns and hamlets that are still alive with the Krishna legend and still redolent with the music of his flute. Mathura, a little town on the River Yamuna was transformed into a place of faith after Lord Krishna was born here. Vrindavan, a village - once noted for its fragrant groves, is where he spent an eventful youth. There are numerous other little spots in the area that still reverberate with the enchantment of Shri Krishna.
We have our own plans of visiting famous temple of Mathura, but unfortunately it was closed at 10:30 and it will again open for d common people at around 4:00 clock in the evening. Therefore we decided to spend our time in Mathura itself and later in the evening we decided to go to vrindavan. On our way we decided to take the Tonga to Yamuna. Within in 20 minutes we have reached the banks of Yamuna. Now we haven’t eaten anything since morning therefore we decided to have a go at the local hotels. Here we have tasted d mast tea of Mathura. Then after this we have a go at the local milk which is the speciality of Mathura. Now comes the boating part. We decided to take a boat to getting the feeling of this holy river. Now here starts the photo session and rahgu was in its sublime form, we were singing the popular songs of radha Krishna. When u get to this place you get the unknown feeling of something great an really deep which transcends u. now comes into picture saurabh( may I tell u this man have got great sense of humour). Now raghu tried his hand on learning the nuances of boating nd in d process infuriating the boatmen (he wasn’t impressed by a jaipur marauder trying to sink his boat). Then on seeing his finesse and obstreperous behaviour me and karan Sharma decided to have a go at boating, both of us have in fact tried to squeeze d pedals from the hands of the boatman, but again Sharma showed some of his skills in boating, then we decided to have some adventure on the shores of Yamuna. There was an isolated temple where all of six decided to give our obeisance. There was a railway track where we decided to kill raghu but unfortunately the boy has showed great gumption and has got enough balderdash to understand the Machiavellian behind our moves. Here a local person told us the importance of the word “Radha”; he told that the person who says the word Radha even once at this wholly place then all his evil acts get washed away by the holy Yamuna and that person gave us the popular hymn regarding Radha-

“Radha tu badi bhagini,kaun tapasya keen,
Teen lok taran taran hai taure adheen.”

Now its already 2 o clock, therefore we decided to go to GOVERDHAN temple. We reached there from the VIP GATE which we already have passes with us, but we were not allowed to take our cameras and mobile phones with us, therefore we don’t have any chance of taking any snaps of this beautiful temple. Then we came visited this beautiful temple and it was a great experience and raghu was showing his usual freaking behaviour. Now it’s getting late therefore our caravan decided to head towards vrindavan. I always thought how beautiful its to visit a place which have its history and past embellished with greatest human emotion i.e. love which Is artistically demonstrated through its amazing structures of radha and Krishna in various temples , now we took an auto rickshaw from Mathura to vrindavan and we reached there approx in 30 min. now the first thing which we decided to visit there was iskon temple, The Sri Krishna-Balrama Temple built by the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON) in a location known as 'Raman-Reti', is one of the most beautiful temples in Vrindavan today. The principal deities of this temple are Krishna & Balaram, with Radha-Shyamasundar and Gaura-Nitai alongside. Adjoining the temple is the Samadhi of A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, the founder of ISKCON, built in pure white marble. Now here starts the real fun, all of 6 have danced here continuously for 3 hours on the tunes of aartis, here our dear friend PAHARI have shown some the most exotic mudras of radha dance which still stirs the emotions of anyone. Now each one of us be it gupta, sharma, raghu have showed something which we can at least proud of be it mudras which are explainable to us only and we were the cynosure and each as usual many visitors came and gone but we were adamant enough to show our overweening baloney and any marketing manager should be proud of how to get attention. Now it was already getting late therefore we decided to put our tents in some hotel room, and luckily we got one near the popular the Banke-Bihari temple. Now we have decided not to sleep that night and therefore we decided to have a hand at cards. Here I and saurabh have a shot at bluffing, sorry saurabh I have to say that I am good at bluffing. Now at this moment raghu and our vivek sir at his roaring best which somehow instigated the emotions of the owner of the hotel and we have to confine our confabulations in a milder tone. Now this is the whole story of first day and all of us were really exhausted therefore we decided to go to sleep. I know we have become lucubrate because we are students of mba, but we thought its right time to go to sleep, I don’t know when I went to sleep. Now comes the next morning we decided to go to Agra (it’s around 58 kms from vrindavan) and before that we went to the Banke-Bihari temple. Then after giving our prayer we took the taxi from vrindavan for Agra and may I tell u that these taxi Walla charges too much of money which have almost bankrupted us. Now we reached Agra at around 12:30 since we have to go back on the same day therefore we decided to book the return tickets to Delhi from Agra railway station. Then we hired another taxi from here and we headed to world wonder Tajmahal. All of us were really excited to see this place and especially me and saurabh and vivek who haven’t seen it before. But when we reached there the crowd was amazing and we were sceptic whether we will go to see it or not. Then comes to the picture my best friend (and we never fight with each other) karan gupta, one of guptas friend live in the nearby locality and his name is Imraan. He was a nice person to meet with, and then he has taken us through the shortest route. There are three gates for entering Tajmahal. He have taken us through the other gate than the main gate at the entrance, and luckily we get in. all of us have our own feeling regarding Tajmahal especially for the people who haven’t seen it before and the first look of Taj was amazing and I can never forget that look, the feeling you get when you see it for the first time is amazing and wonderful which cannot be explained in words. Now all of us fell in love with Taj and raghu was at his photographic sense by tasting our ever beautiful and embraceable mother earth and in the meanwhile increasing the odour of his body which he hasn’t washed for years . Each one of us has taken snaps of not only of Taj but also of some little white creatures which were a rarity in Delhi. Now there were some professional photographers who are government approved and all of us decided to have our snap from one of these photographer, then we roam around the whole structure and we entered the beautiful monument and inside it the whole structure was amazing. Now inside the building we were amazed at the architectural beauty of the structure and the skills which are required to create this beautiful structure. Now inside the Taj our popular and smarty karan Sharma got a compliment from a foreign tourist lady that he looks like a bollywood star and on hearing this Sharma was not on his feet and he couldn’t control his beautiful smile throughout the whole journey. Now inside the Taj me and gupta showed great bonhomie which even shahjahan wouldn’t have shown for her mumtaz and on seeing our friendliness even foreigners were impressed and they have taken pledge to come to this place again and again because here they have just seen the most friendly behaviour. Well after this we visted the masjid in tajmahal where shahjahan usually prays and we were really intoxicated by the beauty and grandeur of this whole structure and it is truly the greatest and most beautiful wonder of the world.
Now it getting late and we had our train from Agra railway station at around 7 in the evening, so we decided to pack our luggage and decided to go back and before that we had our evening dinner at PUNJABI Restaurant and there were many Photostatted repeats were made and the water here was mind blowing and everybody was insisting me to have more and more water of this sacred and holy Agra city. Then we boarded the train and to while our time we decided to play cards and Mr pahari had very rough time playing against Mr Sharma’s apparition( oh god why am I using this word probably because ghosts are common in Himalayas) . On the other hand saurabh, gupta and raghu have their own sessions and I went to sleep and then suddenly I woke up because raghu was showing his balderdash kinky behaviour to the whole train (this person is full of life). Then after 4 hours journey we reached the Delhi railway station and we decided to have our midnight dinner and then all of us have taken auto rickshaw to our house and I have one complaint against these people that they haven’t given mathuras pedas to me and vivek. Overall this was a great experience and we came to know each other in a better way and some of the incidents volte face our understanding regarding each other and become friends for whole life time.